i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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