On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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