I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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