I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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