My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
