R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
