Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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