My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Your cock deserves a montage
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
