I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
