I must be too annoying 4 u.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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