This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
