I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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