Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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