3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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