so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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