I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
