it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The air was thick with penises
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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