Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize