Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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