He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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