I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
