i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
