my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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