I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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