if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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