i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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