Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
