I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
