With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
