So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize