he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Houston, we have a blender
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
