There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
