I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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