Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
