3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
