So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
