do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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