Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm too high and old for this...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
