My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize