You work out of a Hotel?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
