we made out on top of his cat.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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