I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
