Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize