I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
