Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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