these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
