I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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