and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
how drunk are you?
Several
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
