it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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