Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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