I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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