you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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