I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
