I CAN MOONWALK!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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