As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
