If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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