Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
