girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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