he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
