We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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