Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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