You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
