I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
