Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
