she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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