if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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