I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize