Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
the raccoons are back...
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