He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
This baby is an asshole
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
