I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
