You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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