i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
