distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
All I want is dick and wine.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
