i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
