names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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