You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize