i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
