Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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