the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
