you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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