Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
