There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
