Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Two words: blizzard sex
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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