I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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