Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
