I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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