Someone shit on the floor
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
