I accidentally burped into my bong.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
