i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
