I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize