dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
