Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
