FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
