there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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