My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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