So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
