I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
