Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
