she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
