Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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