I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
